Dream a Little Dream

In an "exclusive", the Daily Mirror (a news site I have hitherto overlooked, and how wrong I was) features a story that Paul Burrell, one-time butler to Princess Diana, receives regular messages from her in his dreams. Burrell, who has claimed to be the Queen's right hand man (move over, Prince Philip) and who somehow found a considerable amount of Diana's possessions in his attic after her death, (and how they got there nobody knows), may think that being the recipient of the thoughts of an ex-Royal makes him special.

I've got news for you, buster. I regularly have deep and meaningful conversations in my dreams with

• Jesus
• Buddha
• Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (three at once, cuts down the cost)
• Kaiser Wilhelm I (such a nice man and not at all stuck up)
• Napoleon (and nephew)
• Fred Flintstone
• The man who put shot the arrow into Harold's eye at the battle of Hastings
• His wife, who knitted him his woolly hat
• The Tooth Fairy
• The Dandruff Pixie
• The Itch-in-the-left-leg Gnome
• Shergar (via an interpreter)
• Lord Lucan (the Crimean war one, not the one who legged it)
• The bloke who used to sell jellied eels at the corner of Commercial Road and Aldgate in 1921
• Two women I don't know very well called Vera
• All attendees at the football match between Newcastle and Leeds, December 1897
• Several people who were going to the match but got held up due to extensive delays on the Newcastle to Leeds railway
• The bloke who had a regular newspaper column bemoaning the constant delays and poor service on the Newcastle to Leeds Railway, and several of his readers

and so on.

Newspaper editors: All exclusive rights to this sensational story, plus loads of others I will happily make up report, can be yours. Apply to the address below enclosing SAE

Ramblings
Lies and yet more lies department
Fantasy House
Easy money for sod all Avenue
Gullible, Berks