Tuesday, January 07, 2025

Key Ally of Sen. Cassius in Foreign Policy Upset

From our correspondent in Rome who has just about got over the Saturnalia celebrations

Newly installed Imperator Senator Cassius' key supporter, the richest man in Rome, M. Croesus Muscus, has beome embroiled in the relationship with the province of Britannia. Muscus has hitherto promoted the claims of the tribal chief of the Reformatio, Faragactacus the Unruly, saying that he was divinely appointed to be a staunch ally of Rome and that he should be made King of the Britons without delay, even if that meant slaughtering the four fifths of the population who were against him. Muscus has let it be known in proclamations, mysteriously headed "10" that have been nailed up in the Forum, that he has the ear of Sen. Cassius in such matters. 

However, in fresh proclamations read out at the Temple of Venus, Muscus now says that Faragactacus is a foul traitor, in league with Parthia and a follower of barbaric practices such as beer-drinking. "I curse his name" it goes on "and call on upon all true-hearted Britons to choose as their leader, er, some other person as shall be acceptable to me the gods and whose identity will be vouchsafed in due course, probably"

It is not clear which of these views is currently held by Muscus or, indeed, by the Imperator who is said by soothsayers to be distracted with a plan to purchase Ultima Thule. Nobody knows why this matters or where Ultima Thule is to be found. 

The ambassador of the Britons was said to have rolled his eyes to the heavens, clutched despairingly at his beard and shaken his head when informed of the proclamations. Reminded by his advisors that he was in public, he turned his face away for a moment and then smiled, inscrutably.

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