"Great British" programmes that cannot fail

As the nation goes "Bake-Off" mad, and other similar titles are enjoying success on the screen, here are my pitches for the next ratings sensation. Commissioning editors, you know where to come.
                                     

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Windermere? Rutland Water? Ruislip Lido? All worthy bodies of water. You can paddle in them, fish in them and chuck away your cigarette stubs in them. But which is best? Find out in "The Great British Lake-off".

The smooth ascent of a Boeing 737...the imperceptible lift of a Cessna...the gut-wrenching, pushed-back-against-your-seat thrust of a Learjet. Aircraft from around the country fly into Heathrow and out again as we decide the winner of "The Great British Take-Off".

There's cod and haddock, of course. But aficionados of fish and chips know there is only one type of fish to sample late on a Friday night after five pints. Yet there are so many ways of preparing and cooking it. Whose methods will prevail in "The Great British Hake-Off"?

Nothing can match the rivalry of keen gardeners, especially those with immaculate lawns to maintain. We've scoured the country to find the finest exponents of grass management, leaf removal and aeration techniques. One of them will be crowned winner of "The Great British Rake-Off"

[As there is only one qualifying village, plans for the forthcoming series of "The Great British Thake-Off" have been shelved: Ed]