Here, then, are my suggestions for forthcoming events:
- Celebruary - Wear dark glasses even on dull, sunless days, walk down the street going "No interviews, please" and address everyone as "Darling". Score one point for each person who scratches their chin wondering who you are, two for anyone who takes a quick snap of you on their mobile and five when policeman begin linking hands to hold back the admiring crowds.
- Parch - Don't just give up alcohol for March, stop drinking altogether. You'll be amazed at the weight loss.
- Stapril - See how many pieces of paper you can join using just one staple.
- Heymay - Spend the month going "Hey" to random strangers. Or "Hey, hey" if you happen to be a Monkee. [One for the older generation there: Ed]
- Silverspoonjune - One for the wealthy amongst us. Flaunt it. Although you probably do that anyway.
- Unrulyjuly - Refuse to comb your hair or brush your shoes, for charity of course. Or maybe as some form of protest. Perhaps a little mild chanting of "Down with this sort of thing" at events of which you disapprove.
- Rawgust - Actually I'm getting a bit bored with this now. Do what you like.
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