Larking About in the Gulf

I had begun to hope that the Royal Navy might have shaken off its image as a bunch of incompetent dilettantes, as explored in my piece of a few years ago, but sadly they have once again lived up to form, as this news item illustrates:

Source: BBC News (edited to fit by me)

The joy of this report lies in that last paragraph (the original is longer but I have cut out the intervening text), the casual "Not the first time ... involved in such an incident".  Surely there is only other naval vessel with a similar record and we must, inevitably, reframe this whole regrettable affair as seen through their eyes.

Jaunty music. Sound of waves slapping against the hull, the hum of marine engines and background sounds of seagulls, drones, rockets fired from shore positions and seamen shouting "Cor, look at that" and "Blimey, there's another one"

Commander Murray: Getting a little sticky, I should say. Keep it steady as she goes, Chief
CPO Pertwee: Aye, aye sir, steady as she goes.
Murray: Any updates from the Admiralty, Sub-lieutenant Phillips?
Phillips:  Got the latest from Intelligence, sir. They say that there's absolutely nothing to worry about, no sign of any hostile activity. And it's absolutely gorgeous weather at Goodwood, racing hard to firm, Andy Murray's just been knocked out of the Australian Open and there's a holdup on the A47 north of Walsall.
Murray: Good, let's keep our eyes open and we should be back in Bahrain pretty soon.
Distorted voice over loudspeaker Lookout here. Harbour entrance on the port side, closing amidships, whatever they are.
Murray: Excellent. Take her in, Mr Phillips
Phillips: Oh golly. Right. Erm, port side, that's, erm, thats ...
Pertwee: Whispers The hand with the signet ring on, sir
Phillips: Of course, I knew that. Left hand down a bit.
Pertwee: Left hand down a bit it is, sir.
Murray: Watch for that mole thingy.
Phillips: Oh lumme, er, backwards a goodish bit, Chief.
Pertwee: Backwards a goodish bit, sir.
Distorted voice: I don't want to bother you on the bridge and all that, but there's another ship just behind us
Murray: Well, they jolly well shouldn't be there, that's our parking slot.
Phillips: Right a bit, Chief, let's slip in around the back.
Murray: You're going backwards, Mr Phillips, don't you mean left a bit?
Phillips: Do I? Now to go left when reversing we have to turn right, but does that mean right facing forward or facing backwards. Tricky.
Pertwee: Permission to point out that we are actually about to ram this other vessel, sir.
Murray: Thanks chief, yes, it does seem to be coming up a bit sharpish...Something like this happened not so long ago, I seem to recall.
Phillips: In Portsmouth, 2022. And also Devonport, 2020.
Pertwee: Not forgetting Falmouth in 2019. Twice. With the same boat.
Murray: Oh, yes, that had slipped my mind.
Collision, voices shouting,steel hulls vibrating, objects falling on deck
Murray: thoughtfully The admiral's not going to like this ...