Today is little different. The suggestion about to be rubbished was found on the Personal Excellence website which put forward (I assume seriously) the notion that something worth doing as a lifetime attainment is to
Win a lucky draw.
I think the author of this proposal is not being quite as excellent as he might wish to be. For the problem here, and the reason why I have no intention of ever trying to do it, is that one cannot just win a draw. One must enter it. Unless it is rigged (and that to me somehow invalidates the key concept of it being 'lucky') then the winning of it is out of one's hands altogether. The word 'draw' tells us that a random selection will be made from all the participants and that the winner will have done no more than buy a ticket or two, using absolutely no skill, judgement, experience or ability of any sort other than going up to a counter (or digital equivalent) and saying "A lucky draw ticket, please".
Now, I suppose, as one lies on one's deathbed with the relatives gathered round, leaning in close in case there is a final change of the will (little do they know it's all going to the Ruislip Dogs Home), one could wheeze
"I entered a lucky draw once, you know, and I ...."
"Yes, yes?" they urge. "What happened?"
"I lost - but I nearly won. If only I had bought the winning ticket I would have won. Honestly".
There is a silence broken by an irreverent nephew muttering "Hoo-bloody-ray".
Leaving aside the bathos of this moment, how actually do you go about winning this draw? Other than by buying a ticket and waiting hopefully1 for the outcome. I ask because surely, if this going on one's bucket-list, there must be a way of doing it. Otherwise you just accumulate tickets here and there and spend your days waiting for the phone to ring. But I cannot, no matter how hard I try (which is not a lot) see any way of improving the odds to be better than the number of tickets you bought divided by the total sold.
The conclusion is that to aspire to win a draw is a daft aspiration. Daydream about it by all means but do not confuse it with a genuine BL item. Perhaps what the Personal Excellence team should have promoted is "Enter a lucky draw". Anyone can do that and it is something you can legitimately tick off the list. It ranks as about the most pointless achievement you can have and is not something that will have heads turning when you enter the pub - "Blimey, don't look now, but here's that bloke that bought a lucky draw ticket once" - but at least you can take pride in it (if you are that way inclined).
To win a draw reflects nothing whatsoever on you and while it may make you instantly popular, your new-found fame will not last long once everyone hears that the prize was a bottle of David Beckham 'Smell like a Footballer' after shave.
Do you fancy your chances?
Is the goddess Fortuna smiling on you?
Enter the Ramblings Lucky Draw today!! You can at once then tick this off your bucket-list of Things To Do Before The End Of Next Week. Send as much as you can afford to the usual address. Do it now.
The draw will be made sometime and, as always, a shedload of terms and conditions apply, and the Editor's decision is
1. [Correct use of this much abused adverb. Jolly well done: Ed]