Trump: the yellow-bellied chicken does it again

D. Trump, a wealthy man who has used his money and celebrity status as presenter of the American The Apprentice  to buy the Republican nomination for President, only really got there by being bold, honest and forthright on the issues of the day. This is the man who will build a wall to separate the US from Mexico.

Now he is apparently back-tracking yet again on his most important pledge, to keep Muslims out of the US.

Not good enough. The American people won't stand for this. The loonier the policies, the better they like it. If Trump can't follow through then he should stand down at once and let a serious candidate take over. Here are some of the ideas that will carry the right man into the White House.

• Some terrorists have beards. We've all seen them on TV. Ban the unshaven from North American airspace
• A foreigner once pinched the purse of an American tourist in Bangkok. All foreigners wishing to enter the US to pay a deposit of $1000, refundable on exit provided no criminal charges are pending. Or if the officials say so.
• A wall to keep out the Mexicans is not enough. They may spend most of the day slumped against the wall outside cantinas wearing huge hats [the Mexicans, not the cantinas: Ed] but they're cunning. We've all seen The Good The Bad And The Ugly. Nothing short of a dome over the entire 48 states can protect America. 
• Muslims can stay out. For that matter, anyone called Slim is not welcome either. Only a ne'er do well would take such a name. Exceptions: Slim Pickens (is he still alive?), General Slim (ditto), Slim Shady [isn't he a fictional character? Ed],  Fatboy Slim.
• Global warming is God's way of telling us to make the Arctic Ocean our very own private sea.
• Parachute Sarah Palin into northern Iraq. That'll send those squabbling bastards back to the conference table.
• Cut taxes on the rich to zero. In fact, subsidise them. They create jobs and wealth. Tax the poor 100%. Then they'll stop being poor. Everyone wins.
• Close all National Parks and build giant resort hotels. The rich will love it and everyone else can go swivel on it [er, not sure what this means. Researcher! Ed]
• Close Detroit. Period.
• Lower school leaving age to 12. Who the hell needs education to be a burger flipper? Those who can afford it will buy proper education anyway. All the redundant teachers can retrain as butlers for wealthy people.
• Abolish the two terms limit on being President. Once the right man is in, he stays in. And then passes it on to his son. If money can buy the Presidency then it sure as hell should be transferable, right?

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