The Uxbridge Effect

 One must feel sympathy for the hapless family who found their dream holiday in Cornwall metamorphosed into something unusual - a hotel in sunny Uxbridge. The Guardian took up their case to reveal the usual web of agents and hotels blaming each other for incompetence, and leaving the customer to suffer.

What, of course, concerns us is the fascinating idea that the agent, Booking.com, could consider that Uxbridge (which The Guardian maliciously describes as "a London suburb close to Slough"¹) might be some sort of acceptable substitute for the golden beaches of north Cornwall. Booking.com is a Dutch organisation but presumably has some knowledge of UK geography. They must surely know that Uxbridge, just four miles from beautiful Ruislip, is sufficiently far from the coast that any seaside jaunt that starts from these parts requires either a re-mortgage to pay for the exorbitant cost of train tickets or hours spent in a hot, cramped car jammed onto a motorway, as the flasks of tea cool and the impatient kids in the back seats dig their feet into one's back.

Of course, it is possible that one of the Dutch researchers came here on a day-trip a few years ago and still cherishes happy memories of buying cheap chocolate bars in Poundland, admiring the many office blocks that have all but strangled the historic town centre and finally taking a train a few stops east to stroll blissfully up Ruislip High Street for a spiritual recharge by the duck pond. It's not exactly a fun-filled family day out but maybe there was sufficient magic to make Uxbridge the obvious choice when it became apparent that there was a cock-up with the Newquay booking. 

Footnote:

1. I have covered the "part of Slough" calumny before, in a searing and contempt-laden review of Facebook's disgusting practice of branding Ruislip as part of the hellhole ten miles to our west. I have explained why right-minded citizens should affirm a belief that Slough remains a place to avoid as part of my series 101 Things I Refuse To Do Before I Die.