News has reached us of important changes in the Republic of Rome. After a short, but bitter, election campaign involving many cloaks, some fairly sharp daggers and a considerable amount of speech-making, Senator M. Bucinum Cassius has been acclaimed as Imperator and will now head up the Republic. The Senator was Consul some years back and his administration ended amid much confusion and contumely. However, with vigorous support from many plebs disillusioned with the current administration, he was able to present himself as the only man who could save Rome from the chaos that he had so carefully nutured in the interim.
Speaking to a rally of supporters in the Forum, Cassius is reported to have said
"This is where we start making Rome great again. We're gonna bring back total freedom and liberty. Top of the agenda - more slavery. Slaves mean more production and more production means more money, right? Next, anyone who bad-mouthed us during the assass, er, election, can expect a visit from my lictors, you know, the big guys with the axes. Now I'm totally for the constitution and the guarantee of impartial justice from our magistrates, so I'll be replacing most of them with guys who understand just what impartial really means..."
It is believed that at this point one of the Senator's aides whispered a few words and Sen. Cassius continued "Well, anyway, I'll be replacing them. Period."
Turning to foreign policy the Senator is understood to have focussed on the threat from Carthage. "We're gonna put big tariffs on imports and boost home-grown farming and manufactures. And if they don't like it, then ..."
Another aide is said to have mentioned something and the Senator resumed "As I was saying, if the Carthagians try to start doing imports into Rome, then we'll hit them with tariffs from here all the way to Carthage City."
The Senator then introduced his key backer, the richest man in the Empire, M. Croesus Muscus. "This is a truly great man. He's going to build a fleet of huge ships, sail them way out beyond the Pillars of Hercules and find new lands. And when we find them, we're gonna introduce them to the way of Roman civilisation, and if that means slaughtering most of them and enslaving the survivors while our men loot everything they can carry and burn the rest, hell, you gotta expect a bit of adjustment when you join the worlds greatest nation. Am I right?"
Those watching applauded, but Cassius seemed unimpressed. At his signal the Praetorian Guard touched their hands to the scabbards of their swords, and the Senator put the question again. This time there was no doubt about the fervour and sincerity of the crowd.
We shall continue to follow the career of Senator Cassius and may consider sending a special correspondent to cover the story on the spot. By good fortune, there happens to be one available.
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