Participate in a flash mob.
No? I didn't think it would be. I am very happy to add this to my still-expanding collection of garbage ideas that I wittily describe as 101 Things I Refuse To Do Before I Die.
Oh, come on, some of you may be thinking, it's fun to rush out to a location that somebody else has chosen at a time that somebody else has specified and mill about with loads of strangers, all of whom are picking away at their phones while they photograph each other all milling about and having a really good time as they enjoy a spot of perfectly splendid milling.
Obviously, I do not regard such a gathering as fun and for exactly the same reasons. I see no reason why my life should be at the whim of someone else who may not even bother to turn up to the bash. I don't regard hanging about in a crowd as fun. As I understand it, you don't even get a decent cup of tea as these events, or, if you do, then there's a hell of a queue and, when you get to the head of it, they will have run out of chocolate biscuits and you'll have to settle for some stale bourbons. And, by then, the tea will be cold.
Flash mobs are nothing new. Mobs used to assemble in London and riot for the sake of it during the 17th and 18th centuries, so much so that the Riot Act was put into law in 1714 to counteract them. Mobs gathered to smash machinery during the rapid industrialisation and urbanisation of the 19th century. In those days it was done by word of mouth and by people taking responsibility for leading, now it is anonymous. When once it was dangerous to lead opposition to the established order, now the stupidest ideas can be quickly circulated without the slightest risk to those promulgating them (the recent attempt to storm Area 51 being a very good example). There are a few exceptions - such as the attempts to defend democracy in Hong Kong in recent months - but even there the will to demonstrate came first and the organisation, via phone apps, was merely a means to spread the word, not the fundamental purpose of the gathering.
Being in a flash mob is reminiscent of the Black Friday shoppers, except that once all the flashers (is that what they call them?) have gathered, there is nothing at all to do except hang around and then return from whence they came. It has to be one of the most futile activities an adult can do - at least the BF lot can buy something cheap (or at any rate they think it's cheap). The Luddites were attempting to achieve something important to them. The flashers are a sort of 21st century nihilist cult, creating nothing, disseminating nothing, just gathering because, thanks to social media and mobile phones, they can. I hope this trend ceases to be fashionable; even if it does not, I shall not be flashing.
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