As a loyal and devoted subject of the Crown, and one whom many believe to be long overdue for official recognition for services to literature, blogging and taking the piss out of advertisers, I humbly submit the first in what will build into a historically important series of short pieces about the one subject that is gripping the nation at this time - the Eurovision Song Contest The Coronation of King Charles III. For, in just a few short weeks, the nation's longest serving Prince of Wales will finally get to wear a crown, have oil splashed on his head for the first time since a dodgy barber in his student days asked if he wanted anything on top, and can point to coins with his face on and say "Hey, everyone, that's me, that is". He no longer needs to carry money or a passport, or drive a vehicle with registration plates. Everyone has to walk behind him all the time and he no longer needs to mouth the words to the National Anthem on state occasions.
Today I shall look back to his namesakes, Charlieboys One and Two. What can we learn from their reigns, separated by execution, civil wars and an 11 year Republican interregnum?
Chazza One was a difficult sod. He didn't like being told what do to, so made sure he only picked advisors whose one phrase was "Excellent idea, your Majesty". He was an awkward second son who decided that the Divine Right of Kings was a jolly good doctrine, and it was purely coincidence that he himself happened to be the Chosen One, and anyone who thought kings ought to have some sort of responsibility to listen to their subjects was doing the work of the devil. It all ended unpleasantly on a cold day outside the Banqueting Hall in Whitehall. He did at least reform and strengthen the Navy, and started the long and awkward process of persuading the English that such things needed to be paid for, but it was the Parliamentary opposition to him that established the core of the constitution as we know it today, not Charles.
His son, Chazza Two ("The Kingdom Strikes Back") took over a nation utterly weary of the failed Cromwellian attempts to have a Puritan state backed by popular consent (It failed because deep down the Puritan cause was not that popular). He established the Royal Society and presided over one of the great periods of scientific discovery, for which he has my respect. He also, with brother James, presided over the exploitation of the West Indies and southern states of the American colonies which were based on the expropriation of natives and the West African slave trade. His failure to have a legitimate heir nearly led to the destruction of the constitution and a Louis XIV-style absolute monarchy at the hands of the aforementioned Jazza; fortunately things worked out differently.
And so to Charlieboy Three. King because the constitution says he is, not because God has ordained it, and with very little power to screw things up the way his forebears did, though with a lot of influence behind the scenes. Ahead of his time with his interest in ecology and the preservation of the environment. Can he inspire today's youth in the way that his mum did in her time? Seems pretty unlikely. Will republicanism revive in the former British colonies? I believe it will, in a few years. But does any of it matter? That may be the most important question of all.
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