Yes, my friends this is grim news. But we have faced disaster before and come through, smiling. My message is one of hope. There is still time to bring in the washing. There is still time to take a weekend off. Indeed, you may plant those potatoes safe in the knowledge that you will be eating them in a few months. For we will be around, not just this summer, not just for the next football season, but for bloody ages.
10^78 years is measly compared to 10^1100. Yet it is a pretty massive amount of time, really. Enough time for those scientist johnnies to do something useful for a change, like designing a new and better universe which lasts longer and costs a lot less to run.
Until we can all migrate to Universe 2.1, or whatever fancy name they give it, I say to you again Don't Panic. It will be alright in the end.
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Readers! If you wish to do your bit to building a happier, safer and less noisy universe, then send your contributions now to the Ramblings Institute for Thinking So Advanced It Makes Your Brain Hurt at the usual address. You could win an entire supercluster of galaxies to do with as you wish. Send black holes skittering into densely populated galactic cores. Blast multi-coloured nebula across thousands of light years in ever pulsating patterns. Or just pick a nice little rocky planet with water and a favourable atmosphere and see if evolution can do its stuff all over again.
Terms and conditions apply. Winners may have to live at least 10^12 years to enjoy all the benefits. Should your bit of the new universe implode into a shower of antineutrinos and unbalanced quarks, there is nothing we can do. Winners will be selected by chucking all entries into the office black hole (aka the Editor's wastepaper basket) and applying dynamic Hawking radiation (whirling it around and choosing the bit of paper that flies the farthest).
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