Shock! Man dies! Leaves money to his family!!

Good evening and here is the news

A popular singer, Mr. D Bowie, who became deceased recently, has left his estate to his family. Our arts correspondent says "This has once again shown how revolutionary and important he was and people will be talking about this for a long time to come, or perhaps for ever". Our finance correspondent adds "He certainly left more money than most people will, so this is jolly interesting for anyone keen on knowing about people with more money than they have".

In other news, at least three people in Manchester have visited a chip shop in the last four hours, some trains are running, the seas continue to be wetter than the land and a Government health spokesman has warned members of the public to "wrap up warm" if it becomes cold.

And now more on our top story. Jeremy Grapeshot reports from New York
"It's still bloody cold here following the massive blizzard last week but everyone's heart will beat a little faster with the thought that, if they had married Mr. Bowie, they would now be a lot richer than before".


That, you will be delighted to hear, is the end of the news.