101 Things #16 - Black Friday

Economics is a funny subject. It claims to be a science but one of its fundamental principles, barely questioned until recent years, is that humans act rationally when making economic decisions and therefore assumptions can be made about human behaviour en masse. Many years ago, as a student at a well-known British university, I tried to understand this approach and all these years later, I still do not. It seems pretty clear that humans are very happy to act utterly irrationally especially when money matters are concerned. An excellent example can be found in a suggestion on the website Huffington Post (or HP, as those of us who counted amongst our fellow students the founder of the said website like to call it),  a suggestion which I think is so ludicrous it goes straight into my anti-bucket list of 101 Things I Refuse To Do Before I Die and the suggestion is to

Be first in line at a Black Friday sale.

I have commented on Black Friday before, specifically in a British context, and I accept that the HP is written for an American audience. Nonetheless, the being first in the queue bit remains a questionable activity.

There is nothing to guarantee that the goods on sale on BF (as insiders call it, probably) will be any cheaper than at some time earlier in the year. There is plenty of evidence (see my previous piece cited above) that goods are priced up during the summer so that they can be claimed to be at discounted prices for Christmas (Xmas, to us economists). Retailers, whose existence depends on their own self-interest, can be counted on to be doing the same for BF.

 But let us say that there is an item on sale at a genuinely acceptable price and you wish to buy it. I am assuming, by the way (or BTW as we texting experts like to write), that you wish to buy something as part of the bucket list objective. Just queueing for the sake of it - no, that's something that might appeal to some Brits but surely goes against the grain of any red-blooded American. Now, you have to be first in the queue. Second place is for losers, right? How can can you ensure this? By turning up early, obviously. But how early? Some people camp out all night at the sales. It looks like arrival during the day before is essential, perhaps during the late afternoon whilst the store is still trading normally or maybe the day before that. Research it. Make it happen. (These motivational statements are jolly helpful, don't you find?). Great, you're the first in line.

You will have to stake out a space and guard yourself against the many feet and trolleys pushed past or over you. Security guards may try to move you on, regarding you as another homeless person looking for a warm doorway. Well-meaning shoppers may offer you small change or perhaps helpful comments such as "Get outta my goddam way, you bum". It can be a fretful experience, worsened by the likely bad weather at BF time of the year. You have many long uncomfortable hours ahead and must fend off latecomers to the queue who may be jealous of your pole position and try various subterfuges to make you leave your place.

At last the store lights go on, the crowd behind you gets to its feet and begins jostling and you gather up your sleeping bag and possessions (Oops, what do you do with them once the doors open and everyone surges in, fists flying? Better drop them). There, the shutters are up, the doors are unlocked, there is a rising volume of eager conversation and the first, inevitable push in your back "Hey, lady, are you going in there or just being a human door stop" and you realise the doors are opening and the crowd are struggling to do the traditional BF manouevre of several hundred greed-struck shoppers trying to enter a narrow entrance all at the same time.

What happens after that is pretty well documented. You may walk away with the item you had earmarked or you may have it snatched from your hands. Your clothes may be ripped and some fat oaf is certain to stand on your feet. Don't bother going after anything else, by now the store is heaving, the sick and lame are being laid out at the entrance for the ambulance shuttle and the crowd is ten deep in front of each display. Best make your way quietly out, passing the wrecked remains of your camping stuff, and go home to tick off your achievement.

Was it worth it? We return at last to the theme which we started. Has your behaviour been rational? You may have saved something on your purchase but if was something you didn't really need or could have bought anyway at that price sooner or later then no. Factor in the wasted hours in the queue when you might have been earning money. Add up the cost of ruined sleeping bag, missing thermos flask and those damaged shoes, plus expensive podiatry treatment later for a suspected broken toe. You'll probably need a new hair-do too.

 Let's face it, you've lost a hell of a lot more than you gained. You have acted utterly irrationally, driven by the herd instinct of missing out on something everyone is doing, although the only reason they are all doing it is precisely the same irrational fear of missing out. You have been conned by commerce. And you've been conned into putting something utterly futile onto your bucket list. And that is why I will gladly shuffle off this mortal coil not having done it.