101 Things #86 - Can't We Just Talk?

Have you ever made a chance remark to someone in the street - perhaps whilst queueing for a bus?

"They're running late again, aren't they?"
"Yes."
"Been here long?"
" 'bout ten minutes."
"Should be one soon then."
"Yeah."

or maybe you have spotted someone staring at a map on the tube, clearly lost
"Can I help you?"
"Kechirasiz, men inglizcha gapirmayman."¹
"Oh sorry, you want to change at Oxford Circus then."
"Bu Yoxford naychasi nima, iltimos."²
"And then take the Central Line to Liverpool Street, then change to platform 7."
"Siz nima deyayotganingizni bilmayman."³
"My pleasure, have a nice day."

Congratulations. In both cases you have already done one of the bucket-list ideas suggested by the A Backpacker's Tale website to

Have a conversation with a random stranger.

It seems rather flat. It's hardly a great achievement and certainly not one you are likely to even bother writing up in your journal, the one that you proudly labelled "Things to do before I die". In fact, it is sufficiently pointless that it deserves a mention in my anti-bucket-list, 101 Things I Refuse To Do Before I Die,

There must be more to this one that meets the eye. Purists might object that my two examples are artificial and do not feature truly random strangers because in each case we were both fellow travellers. Maybe this becomes a real bucket-list when the stranger is truly random and, in addition, there is a meaningful exchange of ideas and information that constitutes a proper conversation.The problem is that there is no such thing as a random stranger. Let me explain.

Wherever you are in the world, the people around you will not be a random selection, they will either be people who in the main live there or people like you who are passing through. Merely by going to a particular location you will have selected (consciously or not) a type of person with which to communicate. If, for example, I take myself to the heart of beautiful Ruislip, I will almost certainly encounter people pretty similar to myself.

Furthermore, out of the hundreds who may be strolling by (or pushing by, should you be on the Tube), how do you select one? You will rule out the giggling schoolgirls, the big lads with the tattoos and the loud music emanating from headphones, the elderly couple tottering along with walking sticks. You will turn away from the reeking tramps, the policeman, the bloke handing round free Evening Standards. This is perfectly natural - you are supposed to be having a conversation after all. But this selection process renders otiose the concept of "random".

The only way to make it random is to pick a number then count the passers-by until there is a match. Who knows what this will produce? If the sixty-third person happens to be a Chinese tourist eagerly taking selfies of herself and friend, will you really step forward and start making polite enquiries about the weather in Shandong province?

One way of increasing the randomness and also keeping a degree of comfort is to dial a telephone number. You could use a random number generator to give you a suitable 9 digits, stick a 07 at the front and bingo! that's a mobile phone number. But what on earth are you going to say when a hoarse voice at the other end says "Yeah?".
"Hello, you don't know me but I wondered if you shared my feelings about the pleasures of a decent biscuit at teatime .... Hello, hello? Operator, we seem to be cut off ...."

In books people readily strike up chats with strangers in pubs or theatre bars. But these are not random - they are people, like you, who go into bars or who visit the theatre. You already have much in common, whether it be the perfect crime that just needs one more accomplice (the pub) or a spouse who doesn't understand you (the theatre). Your conversation will be the starting point of a deadly road from which there is no return (at least, that's what normally happens in the sort of books I read).

I see no point whatsoever in seeking to buttonhole some innocent bystander just so as to be able to tick off a bucket-list item off the list. I am certainly not going to hang around street corners, airport terminals or supermarket check-out queues in the hope that a random stranger will start a conversation with me. I'm happy to chat to anyone if there is a good reason for it but let's avoid the randomness.



Footnotes:
1. I'm sorry I do not speak English
2. What is this Yoxford Circus please?
3. I have no idea what you are saying
Translations from Uzbek courtesy Google Translate