101 Things #93 - Speed Limits Revisited

In a recent piece reflecting on bucket-list objectives of others that I disdain to contemplate even attempting, part of my ongoing series proudly entitled 101 Things I Refuse To Do Before I Die, I refuted the idea that something called 'Pegging the speedometer' was worthwhile.

Very soon after that was written I stumbled across this even sillier, somewhat related idea from Airows.com and, quite naturally, I shall refuse the invitation to

Talk your way out of a speeding ticket.

There are a few other ideas out there that somehow glorify petty criminal offences. I've covered pickpocketing and Getting arrested for a minor offence (not to mention feeding the meter) but actually trying to get caught for speeding so you can blag your way out of it is a new level of depravity.

Doing criminal stuff just because it bigs up your bucket list is moronic. What are you going to try as the cops begin photographing your car and you, and their hands are moving close to their truncheons?¹  Which time-honoured excuse do you think is going to cut it with guys who have probably heard it all before many times?

• "Sorry officer, I didn't see the giant speed limit signs because the sun was in my eyes."
• "My foot slipped onto the accelerator." 
• "Me no spikka da English." 
• "Diplomatic immunity old boy, talk to the ambassador."
• "I say officer, would you by any chance be collecting for the police benevolent fund because I'd like to make a jolly fat contribution?"
• "I've been working overtime doing vital brain surgery on a much-loved celebrity and now I'm trying to get home for my little girl's birthday party."

 In the UK it's rather hard to be in the position of talking your way out of it because so many speeding offences are caught on camera and rather than have a policeman leaning into your face there is only a letter with the ominous words "Pay up or prison" in large red letters at the top. I don't know how on earth you can talk your way out of that, unless in court, and then all you can really do is plead for leniency. That is not talking your way out of it, merely ducking the nastier consequences.

There are websites to advise those in receipt of speeding tickets whether to try to get off on a technicality, and, of course, one can always hire a lawyer to do the fancy stuff for you. This, I suspect, is not what those reckless speedsters at Airows meant. I am pretty sure they wanted you to roar down a back road in some remote state in the US, get pulled over by the County Sheriff and then pour out a touching and emotional spiel that would lead to the cops shaking their heads sympathetically before telling you to get the hell out of there before they changed their minds.

I have no intention of flying the Atlantic to try it on. I can't see it working in the UK.

Footnote:
1. Readers in other countries may mentally substitute the appropriate accessory (Guns, tasers, tear gas, pepper spray etc.)