I was delighted to read that some obscure politician in Texas was offering cash rewards for anyone coming forward with evidence of voter fraud in the recent Presidential election.
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| Source: The Guardian |
Bearing in mind these people believe anything, provided they have read it on Facebook or Twitter, it has incentivised me to direct my staff to make up report anything that they can imagine find out and thus top up the Ramblings Let's-Make-This-The-Best-Christmas-Ever fund.
Unfortunately, due to a mix-up between my own, well-respected, blog and the blog maintained by this unpleasant American, Ravings of a Rabid Republican, some of the "proofs" from his correspondents have mistakenly found their way into my inbox. I shall of course forward them on but here are a few just to give you a flavour of what he can expect.
From: M. Mouse, Wacky, TX
Sir, I saw with my own eyes two black persons of colour posting votes in a real genuine US Postal Service mailbox and I think they might have been voting for the Dems. Please send me as much money as you can spare. God bless you.
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From: The Very Rev Jeb Delirious III, Carbuncle, TX
Sir, The Good Lord has commanded me in a vision to impart to you his glorious message of hope which is that the immediate transfer of cash to my church will surely save your immortal soul Amen
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From: The Even-Realer Donald Trump, Hicksville, TX
Sir, I know the real facts about the fraud and the conspiracy but THEY are watching me the FBI and the Pope are behind it, plus the Jews and the Mexicans and that Canadian with the French name, I never trusted him, also my neighbour is one of THEM he don't wear a cowboy hat indoors and what kind of man does that, I'll tell you, a COMMIE that's who and make sure you burn this email or THEY will get you too, they listen through the telephone wires so rip them out and don't trust NO-ONE (apart from me, obviously, you can trust me sure enough, yes sirree.....
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From: deloriscolquitt6864@gmail.com*
Sir, I am head of postal service in [insert name of town here] and on the night of [insert date] I witnessed goings on the like of which I never done seen before. Click link to enter your bank details and other personal information.
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From:Washington.86@mediamagician.co.za *
Sir, Send the money in used $10 and forward this email to 10 others and within a year GOOD FORTUNE will be yours, plus special offer: - two, yes two matching bracelets in real genuine plastic, offer must end Tuesday, hurry now while stocks last.
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From: Agent Kropotkin, Moscow (in Russia, not the little township outside Dallas)
Comrade! Our plan to destabilize the US political system is working well. Meet me behind the dustbins at Joe's Diner on 14th St at midnight for your next set of instructions
* - I knew I'd hear from these guys again, one day
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