Imperator Cassius has dealt swiftly with those accusing his administration of "incompetence beyond even the Batavians", following the disclosure that a complete set of scrolls containing the entire Roman order of battle, plans for the invasion of Parthia and conquest of China, as well as the occupation of Ultima Thule, were handed over to the Parthian ambassador two weeks ago writes our correspondent, who is still trying to find someone to launder his toga. Senator Cassius, speaking in the Senate yesterday said "I don't know what the fuss is about. Those Parthians can't even read. They won't have the faintest idea what to do with the scrolls. Sure, there are details about how the XIV Legio will march east from Aleppo whilst the XII Legio with auxiliaries strike north up from Damascus but the gods will surely protect our troops who even now are assuredly scattering the enemy and laying waste their cities".
Asked if this meant Rome was now at war with Parthia, the Imperator said "I am dedicated to peace and will never break a treaty sworn solemnly before Jupiter. Those troops are simply there for our security and to prevent Parthians from illegally crossing the border".
Questioned by Senator Cicero as to how Parthians could illegally cross a border when Rome and Parthia did not in fact have a common border, the Imperator took some time to consult with a scribe, then accused the Senator of being a "bottom-dwelling scum of a journalist" and refused to answer further questions.
---------Breaking News---------
According to sailors newly arrived from Antioch, the XIV legio has been wiped out by an ambush on the Aleppo road, the XII legio is surrounded by an army that "came out of nowhere" and the auxiliaries have mysteriously all resigned and gone back to being farmers.
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